I’m gearing up for my third detox bath in a row. Dry brushing, epson salts, eucalyptus oil and whatever crystal of the day I’m using. Today it’s a chunk of citrine and amethyst. I’m locking myself in my tiny shoebox apartment in an attempt to ward off any person or activity that may lure me away from my plan. The plan is to detox and cleanse my system from whatever damage I may have inflicted on my body and spirit this Holiday vacation. The plan is to ‘just say no’ to booze, sugar, fried foods, and any shittiness that has no business in my belly. It’s been approximately 4 days and with the exception of my hormonal moment of cookie weakness on Day 1, and I’m doing alight. If I stay locked in my shoebox that is…
The problem is I really like to drink. I’m not a boozehound, nor do I get drunk often, but I love the social construct around drinking. The ease of meeting a friend for drinks after work and trying a new quirky place is one of my favorite activities. And not to mention, how much easier dating is after a Don Julio on the rocks. I can even play the connoisseur card and tell you how much I love learning the intricacies and trends of cocktails, wine, craft beers, and my new love interest; Bourbon (warning: Danger Zone!). I’ve always been a social butterfly and the whole musician lifestyle sure isn’t made for the teetotaler. In College I was always partying and my youth and advanced fitness level made it easy for me to imbibe nightly with almost zero consequences. Graduating summa cum laude after 4 years of raging in Miami made me feel pretty omnipotent.
Fast-forward 10 years and there are times I still see a sliver of that wild child in me that needs to be tamed. This past six months I really reeled it in and limited by drinking to a couple times a week. It felt completely counterintuitive to commit to a nightly meditation after drinking mind-altering beverages. Going to a yoga class with that mild after drinking haze the next day felt pointless. I never knew how much it affected my spiritual practice until I stopped. This respite allowed my body to catch up to the increased vibration of my spirit and mind and made me feel truly healthy and light. This also meant I stopped being as social, so I saw less of my friends and went inward instead. I also started getting severe headaches after a seemingly innocuous amount of alcohol. Two beers gave me a migraine that lasted almost two days! It turns out 1 in 3 times undoubtedly creates a shitty next morning that make me curse the party gods to no end.
I remember the second time I met fellow Mystic Babes Lindsay and Melissa for dinner and I was the only person who ordered a drink. I knew they weren’t drinking because they were at a point where they just didn’t want to. It no longer served them and they were moving away from that world. I remember feeling ashamed that I wasn’t at their level yet. I was still grappling with a pattern of drinking with dinner and “really needing it” because I had a “bad day”. It made me start to question why I was so compelled to drink. I love how it enhances my personality, my humor, and ease in social situations. When I started to attend social gatherings without drinking, I started to realize that maybe I do have a little bit of secret social anxiety. I hadn’t been aware of this because I’d been hiding behind the veil of alcohol for as long as I can remember.
So here I am after falling off the wagon last month and landing in a ditch. I crawled my way out, dusted myself off and set my intention: I will eliminate the booze for 30 days. Something I can officially say I’ve never done. I’m sick of the overly priced bar tabs, the shitty sleeps, the bad digestion, the dehydration, and the overall malaise I feel the next day. I’m sick of poisoning myself. I pride myself in my daily raw green smoothies and vegetarian diet only to poor a Manhattan down later negating its benefits. (Those brandied cherries though!… I digress.) The next 30 days may show me a part of myself I’ve never seen. I’m hoping to increase my light and awaken my spiritual gifts. A part of me wonders if we unconsciously drink to dim our own light? Are we afraid of our innate power, potential, and abilities? Is it just easier to be like everyone else and stick with the social norms? These are questions I plan to ask myself now that I’ve given myself the space to do so. I deserve to uncover who I really am and so do you. It reminds me of Marianne Williamson’s famous quote “…Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?…”
So, there you have it folks. The malts and I are takin’ a hiatus. I hope to experience the world a little differently in the next few weeks. I’ll keep you posted! Cheers!